Last month I asked myself if I should join a dating site….after 2.5 years of sacred solitude + healing.
As someone who is considering opening up to the possibility of ‘dating’ again after 2.5 years of sacred solitude, I wonder many, many things.
I am an incredibly conscious woman, connected, intuitive and empathetic. I feeeeel A LOT, I know a lot, I sense a lot and I tend to actually SEE other humans. (Not dead ones just fyi)
Do you ever allow yourself to really see others? (Like in Avatar) as in for the first time, soul to soul, divine to divine, without presumptions, without conditioned expectations?
In the grand scheme of things, few people take the time to get to know themselves, let alone another person. We wonder why relationships don’t work out, or we wonder why ‘they have changed’ but it is usually because we have a pre-conceived notion of who that person is and we choose to only see that. So we get bitch slapped and stung when that illusion begins to crumble.
Have you ever presented a version of you on a ‘date’ meet up or alike that you think the other person wants to see?
Because they probably are too, right? So that leaves me with the question of: what the fuck is actually real? And why do we ‘present’ like this?
Haha, man I CRINGE at remembering how fucking rigid and perfect I tried to be to please a dude! Or anyone else for that matter. How I used to morph and be warped into some tiny little, Emma doll with zero personality left.
But we do, right? We start liking what the current partner likes, we wanna do what they do, make them happy, tread on eggshells, play stupid fucking games and be afraid to have boundaries and opinions.
It winds me up when I see or hear people say, “oh get back out there” after a break up or “they just weren’t good enough for you”
NO SUSAN, we haven’t given ourselves time to heal, wake up, self discover, know what we like, what pleases US, let go of old toxic habits, wounds and expectations so we don’t put those on the next person.
We perpetuate trauma, toxicity, being unlovable, not good enough culture and losing ourselves because we aren’t prepared to pause for a spell, be alone, go into the darkness, sit there for a while, witness, heal, accept and explore.
Someone else is NOT gonna do that for you, pumpkin.
You are one in yourself. Not a half of anything
Partnership is a complement of each other, it’s a walk together, it’s balance, a flow of reciprocity, a dance, joy, pleasure, flexible boundaries, space, respect and growth….no?
Have I got it all wrong? Haha, I meant don’t take relationship advice from me, please! But I will happily share that I honour my lessons, healings, ££££ in therapy, self work and more.
I know who I am, I know what would work for my lifestyle and what wouldn’t. I know the weeks where I feel a but shit about my wobbly bits and the weeks where I feel like a flipping goddess. I know when I need space (and that is A LOT of the time) I know that I need to sleep in my own bed to heal and recharge my energy aura. I know that I am a redhead scorpio and want to be worshipped like a shield maiden. I know that I am a mum to an ASD child who’s structure and safety comes before anything else.
So many people have said “I can’t have it all” and that I am ‘selfish’ + that what I need is weird…but I don’t care! I am selfish (I will elaborate another time on this term being used in such a negative light when it is actually a super empowering concept)
An older paradigm version of me would have said I needed to sacrifice on those kind of things. To be honest with you, an older version of me would have just allowed myself to be controlled and walked all over and left empty and broken.
I know what drains me, I know when I feel myself starting to disassociate with my body as my ears start ringing and I feel lightheaded. That is my souls way of saying “hey, Em..something is being activated here that you have yet to heal or you have to remove yourself from this situation”
So how does one so awake then date in such a dismissive culture?
…..asking for a friend, obvs
This opens up a whole realm of discussion – ‘cause it extends to every type of relationship awakened folk may experience and navigate. Let’s not even get started about navigating the soul draining apps…
This is definitely something that comes up a lot with my clients, especially on how to restructure current relationships after an evolution or shift. More to come on that in a future blog.
How does reading this make you feel about your expectation of the relationships in your life? Romantic, business, familial or other?
Do you share who you truly are? Are you in a relationship to please someone else? Are you trying to play out an old version of you in a relationship that no longer fits? Do you love being someones ‘other half’? Are you mega happy in a balanced, respectful relationship with healthy boundaries?
I’m curious to hear all the things, please share with me!